Friday, 27 February 2009


Scanned picture of the day!! I am alone in the office today, so I didn't have to worry about anyone catching me! I like the tongue and the scarf aspect of this scan. Next time I am going to have my hands on the scanned like I am being pressed up against a window!!

Thursday, 26 February 2009

Finally my supporting statement...

As a very active pro-environmentalist, the study of Biodiversity and Conservation appeals to me greatly. I would like to make a difference to the world and I believe by learning about the complex environment we live in and how to conserve this I will be helping. Ultimately I would like to run a company to promote and help people and/or businesses to conserve the environment along side or for the government.

I studied my A/S levels at Richmond upon Thames College; I did enjoy my courses, but not as much as I had hoped – I decided to stop studying and to further my independence and development through exploring work opportunities. I started full time work after completing a year’s study and have been working full time ever since! I don’t have any relevant study for biodiversity and conservation – but I have the maturity and desire to achieve outstanding results.

My interest in animals and plants started from a young age and I still enjoy learning facts about animals and plants via TV shows, the internet or books. I also consider myself lucky to have been inspired and taught many things by friends and family of which many have a keen interest in wildlife and the environment.

Ecology interests me and I am concerned to see how we can help improve the current environmental status. As previously mentioned I am an enthusiastic environmentalist, using natural cosmetic products where available, using energy efficient light bulbs and recycling as much as possible. I am very keen to conserve as much wildlife as possible and to work with the environment in harmony. I’m currently looking into doing some voluntary work with the Natural History Museum and the Wildlife Trust and know I will find a worthy voluntary position.

I am currently working in Westminster as an Office Assistant and 2nd Personal Assistant for a wealthy individual, this is my third full time job and I have been here for just under a year. I gained a distinction in a secretarial course run by Souters College so I could obtain this role and will soon complete a first aid course. I enjoy the ongoing small project management and the organisation skills needed for this role – which I feel would be very handy for use of time and deadlines for this course. I have greatly improved on my communication, reading and writing skills since coming into employment, which should help me with my studies – especially essay writing and communicating with the teachers and other students.

During my spare time I enjoy spending time on the common, exercising, riding my bike (which I have recently started riding to and from work) and researching on the internet, which can be anything from the latest eco gadget to political or celebrity news. I also enjoy eating out and cooking – food is another passion of mine. I have recently started to help a friend clear out her back garden so we can start growing our own vegetables and plants. I am keen to one day have poison dart frogs as pets within a tank that would be a self cleaning mini-ecosystem, and have keenly researched my options.

My friends and family are important to me and are a great support to my endeavours; I am a godmother to two already and think this shows my level of responsibility and maturity. I expect to get lots of support mentality and physically whilst studying part time and working full time.

I hope I have expressed fully my passion and desire to join the course and will be taken as a serious student.

Thought this would be interesting to post - its a scanned image of me! The picture for my blog is also a scanned picture. I get my thrills by doing them when other people are in the office - which is better than some other "thrills" people in offices have, so I can't complain!!

Thinking of doing a daily/weekly/monthly update - although will have to find new ways of making the pictures interesting.

Goodmorning Miss

Good morning! Again I rode my bike to work this morning. On the way home last night I realised that my knee's are staring to hurt. I have looking at my bike and discussed with Tina, Nick and Aaron last night that I need to bring my seat up. The only problem with that is that then I will be further away from the ground, and less able to reach it....I think I might have to go to a bike shop on the weekend.

I have found several things good about biking; it takes less time to get to and from work, its free, its good for the environment and its good exercise. Oh yes and it makes me happy - there that's 5 reasons. Pretty good if you ask me. I burn 160 kcal per 30 mins on the bike which means I am burning 320 kcal just getting to and from work - a good amount to be burning and a good stretch of cardiovascular exercise.

When I woke up around 7 this morning (well at first it was 5.30 AM, but I didn't want to get up!) I tidied my room for 10 minutes, put a wash away and put a wash in - it didn't take very long and seems well worth the effort to be able to see the carpet! I do wonder how long I will keep it up for - hopefully for a long time and then I can get my froggies (poison arrow frogs as pets)!

I yet again forgot to get the money out for mum that I owe her - so I will get this out in my lunch break today, I gave her £50, I owe a further £60 and then owe some house keeping money.

I am going to write my supporting statement this afternoon so I'll be back... x

Wednesday, 25 February 2009

She hits, she scores, she goals...

SHORT TERM GOALS


Health/Me – prize – a facial!!
  • Loose 2lbs
  • Go to 2 exercise classes; Thu and Sat.
  • Do yoga 3 times; Wed, Fri, Sun.
  • Take more care of what I am eating; take lunch in and plan dinner.
  • Apply for university course and funding.


Work - prize - good for my CV/work ethic
  • Leave the house an hour before I am due at work; go to bed by 23.00, wake up at 5.30 AM every day.
  • Have clothes and bag organised.

Money - prize - saving money later in life!
  • Pay back mum all owed money.
  • Pay MBNA extra money to get rid of debt quicker.
  • Call Abbey and cancel direct debit.
  • Set up standing orders with Natwest to pay MBNA and Abbey next month.
  • Claim "card insurence" from MBNA and Abbey where possible.

Home - prize - piece of mind and less nagging from Mum!!
  • Chuck out old cables under bed.
  • Go through old clothes and give to charity/have boot sale?
  • Hoover/clean bedroom.
  • Get rid of "bits & bobs" on the sides etc...find a permanent home for these.
  • Keep on top of washing and ironing.


Things I have achieved recently:
  • riding my bike too and from work; it is good for the environment, healthy and saves money.
  • Paid off full loan for laptop!!
  • Eating healthily - making an effort to make healthy veg juices and breakfasts.
  • Making the switch to non-caffeine.
  • Using natural deodorant, body wash and toothpaste without SLS and parabens - good for the environment and me!!
  • Having 9 clean days and relapsing only 4 times over the last 18 weeks.
  • Waking up earlier during the week and staying up.
  • I tidied my room this morning!!


LONG TERM GOALS

  • Be a better friend and partner; by better I mean to treat everyone how I would like to be treated, not loose my temper and not talk down to people.
  • All debts to be paid by end of May 2009.
  • Keep room tidy by dedicating 15 mins a day to upkeeping and 50 mins once a week for a "big tidy".
  • Keep healthy by eating low saturated fat food, keeping treats to a minimum and eating lots of fruit and veg.
  • Keep fit by carrying on my cycling to work and attending more classes.
  • Make more swaps where possible regarding environment and me friendly cosmetics/products.
  • Learn how to make my own clothes.
  • Get weekly time to dedicate to studying.

wednesday wishlist

today today today today today. today is wed nes day.

I rode my bike home yesterday and then to Balham and back. I meet my friend Massi who I met at Plaza where I used to work. We dined in The Paddyfields, which seem to have had good reviews in the past but for me, didn't live up to them, firstly the staff where too pushy and not polite. Secondly the food was an average price but the quality and portion sizes where not as you would expect, I had laksa soup, which wasn't lacking in the size of the bowl and the amount of broth - but was lacking in the amount of vegetables and noodles. The stairs down to the toilet are ridiculous.

I then rode my bike to Leon's house, where Leon and Aaron where painting Leon's bedroom. We watched the latest Flights of the Conchords episode and then went home. I had a row with my mum when we got back in - she was annoyed that Aaron had borrowed ONE pair of socks and so proceeded to go through my room and collect all my odd socks and wash them, which you would think of as nice. But no it's not; firstly Aaron usually uses all the socks and I wish he would pair them up so they could be washed and then wonderfully brought back together - but he rarely does. Secondly I really hate my mother going in my room, she just invades my privacy without asking or thinking, we have discussed this many times and much to my dismay she still doesn't get the message.

It feels like for me the more and more she goes in my room and makes comments about it not being tidy - the more and more I just don't feel like tidying it, it makes me feel deflated and my feelings unappreciated. Its obviously one of the stubborn aspects of my personality, but I really feel like I would feel more secure if I didn't think someone was going through my bedroom every morning. I think my mum has a obsessive compulsive disorder about cleaning, and that's made me - well - avoid it.

This morning I come into work on my bike and it took my about half and hour, and the chain didn't come off - YAY!! I am definitely going to take the bike shop some nice treats. My legs are still a bit achy today so I didn't go to a class this morning, I plan to go tomorrow and Saturday morning.

I am going to put my to do list and re-evaluate my goals today so watch out for more....

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Tuesday 24 February

Today I rode my bike into work for the first time - it only took me half an hour, even though I had to put the chain back on twice, the third time I tried to put it back on, it had got caught around a bolt on the chain cover thingamajig - anyway to cut a long story short, I ended up being very close to work, yet 10 minutes late and then having to take a extra long lunch break to visit two different bike shops for help.

The first shop was Evans, who were very sweet yet not very helpful as they couldn't do the job straight away - they said it would cost £25.00 and take at least half an hour. So I then tried Action Bikes, who very kindly looked at my bike and fixed it for free....they said they would take donations, but I didn't have any on me. I will be dropping them off a donation and/or some cakes and lovely treats as I think it was very kind to fix my bike!

I was very worried about riding into work on my bike, but it seemed to go OK - my legs did ache at some stages, but I think I just need to stretch them more. I am going to book my bike in for a "check-up" next month with Action Bikes - seeing as they are so friendly.

Last night I met Charlie and Jen in b@1 for drinks, I had 2 non-alcohol cocktails which were tasty and smoked a few rollies, I also popped into Sainsbury's to do some shopping and put it in my backpack to ride home. I am very proud. I feel slightly more independent being able to ride to more places by myself and carry shopping. Charlie, Jen and I had a good time and talked about good things and bad things, and as usual it ended to quickly. I was however very proud of myself for not drinking. We discussed my counselling situation and Jen made me think about paying for my own counselling - which would be a last resort for me, and would have to be done after paying off all debts (after May 2009). Charlie seems to think that I don't need addiction counselling, but I do not agree and think that addiction is different for everyone. It makes me feel slightly angry that she can't appreciate why I am putting myself through this, and why I would put myself through this if I didn't have addictive behaviour.

I am feeling very positive today and have been sleeping and eating rather well over the last two days, which really seems to have had an effect on my mentality. I feel healthy and free at the moment and more confident that I can keep on not drinking. Saying that I also feel a bit like I am on a roller coaster and emotions are going up and down frequently!

At be@1 we talked about Poppie who Aaron was seeing for a while after we split up. It still hurts me to talk about her and I don't really want to, but know that I should get used to the idea.

My facebook account is still suspended, although I did have a sneaky peak today - not much to my surprise there wasn't anything new to look at and it was rather boring, it definitely is a waste of my time (even though I still feel tempted to go on it).

I decided this morning whilst I was waking up in half sleepiness that I am going to do the Biodiversity and Ecology course at Birkberk University part time. I am slightly worried about the commitment aspects, but hope to really concentrate on the course and dedicate a lot of my time to it when it comes around in September. It has taken me a while to decide and I am very close to the deadline for the course and funding, so have a tight time. I am trying to draw up my supporting statement. I think saying that I am very passionate about the environment should be good enough, seeing as I think I will truly enjoy a career in that area.

I don't really have much else to say. Aaron went out and got drunk again last night, it is times like this when I really thin about whether we want the same things from life and if we are drifting apart again, I hope we're not.

I am meeting Massi this evening in Balham and looking forward to it.

Over and out...

Monday, 23 February 2009

I don't know why

But I just ate a whole load (nearly a whole medium) of toblerone, maybe more, some of one and then some of the other (it was two for £1.50 in waitrose). I don't even know why I went in there, I didn't have any cash and I didn't need to buy anything. I obviously deeply regret this and don't know why I ate it and then didn't even enjoy it that much. I think maybe I was craving the sugar or the caffeine.

I feel so guilty and like I want to throw the chocolate in the bin, but I know I shouldn't. I think I will give it to Aaron when I get home, but don't want to eat any more of it before then, so I am going to have to stop myself. I need to focus on my goals and no that its one day at a time, I might have just messed up but I CAN make the rest of the day better. I will be eating a healthy salad for dinner and going to do an hours exercise class.

I think I was also feeling insecure due to the weight I already put on this week. I need to change my habits...!!

Monday, Tuesday...Happy Days.

I slept a lot this weekend, and when I say a lot I mean a lot..I went to bed around 10 PM on Friday night and got up at 8.30 AM that's 10.5 hours sleep, I then slept a further 10 hours on Saturday night, so far 20.5 hours sleep, I then napped for 2.5 hours on Sunday - that's 23 hours sleep and then last night I slept from 10.30 PM - 6 AM that's 7.5 hours sleep so in total that makes 30.5 hours sleep over 3 days just over 10 hours on average per day/night. WOW. I think that's an awful lot of sleep - but it did do me good.

So here I am again, my 8th day clean and feeling calm, not very confident that I can keep it up and a bit fat too. I've put on 1.5 lb's this week - which is disappointing but last weekend I did eat 2 mint cornetto's and some takeaways....so I only have myself too blame, along with lack of exercise.

I have started taking 5-HTP tablets which are a pre-cursor for the making of serotonin in your brain and help with stress, anxiety, depression, over eating etc so I thought they would be perfect for me - they are also completely natural - they are made from ground up seeds of a plant.

Lets get back to a quick overview of the weekend - on Friday I came home and cooked pizza for dinner along with a big salad, it was very tasty, I then went to bed at 10. I woke up at 8.30 on Saturday and went to the fit for a princess class for 9 on Clapham Common, no one I usually see was there - so it was good to see some new people and to do some exercise. My legs are still aching and need to be stretched some more. I then went to Covent Garden with Aaron, we had lunch and he surprised me with a new necklace from Betsey Johnson, which he managed to buy as a surprise whilst I was in the shop!! We had lunch in a Greek place - I had vegetarian lasagna and Aaron had a meat one. I then met Oisin and Charlie on Clapham Common, and went to Strada for dinner, where I had a small salad starter thing and 2 parcels of mozzarella and spinach ravioli. It was very nice which I then finished off with a panetonne al forno which is a bread and butter pudding made from panetonne which had a toffee sauce and vanilla ice cream....yum. A couple of us went to the railway and then Leon and I walked home.

On Sunday I got up around 10, had smoked salmon and scrambled eggs for breakfast and then fell asleep pretty much straight away again until 15.00. I spent many hours of spare time searching for a head torch and some wellies that belong to Ceri, but I can't find them and came to the conclusion that my dearest mother chucked them out (as they were sitting in the hall way for a long time).

Now, I then tried to go and get a Brazilian wax, but unfortunately I had "trimmed" my hair to short and was unable to get one....so that we happen next week I suppose. I had Sunday takeaway thanks to Aaron which was Nepalese food, it was very very tasty and there was enough left for me to have lunch today. I rode my bike more than usual this weekend, which I think is also adding to my leg aches (which I am trying to think of as good).

I have successfully cut down on my tea and coffee and am drinking decaf versions instead, and instead of sugar I am having Agave nectar which has a GI of 11 - 20 which is much lower than sugar/glucose of 50+. Which means really I am having no stimulants and lots of relaxation/sleep and 5-HTP's (100 mg every night before bed) and in turn I am feeling rather calm and not craving attention or sugar/stimulants like I usually do. It's nice and weird at the same time.


Friday, 20 February 2009

Hmmm, Monday feeling?

Talk about all week feeling!! I am up and down like a roller coaster. I have recently been "non-drinking" drinking which is when you are "not drinking" but end up drinking anyway. I have started to wonder how this can possibly be not drinking. Well I suppose it means that drinking has been cut down by 50% as I am not drinking every weekend, but still its not "not drinking." Alas I start again.

I will be going to my first official AA meeting next week - I did plan to go tonight but my next new venture of having a slight detox is starting to give me headaches and tiredness so I just want to sleep lots. I have tried to curb the headaches and tiredness (which I assume are from little sugar and caffeine) by having high juice which does have some sugar in, but obviously not enough to get rid of my headache. My slight detox basically means whilst not drinking I am also trying to be as healthy as I can be, which means eating as much fruit and vegetables as possible - and mainly just fruit and veg if possible. Today I made myself a fresh banana, blueberry and strawberry smoothie with a little soy milk and soaked oats for breakfast. It was yummy - I think next time I will add some water so it is not so thick and hard to drink from a water bottle (attractive).

Lunch was home made yellow split-pea and bacon soup, again, scrummy but next time I will water it down somewhat. Oh yes and did I mention I am trying not to have caffeine - which means no tea and/or coffee all day. No dairy either - this shouldn't be so hard as I am not too fond if it anyway and am allergic. So all in all that means an awful lot of not a lot. Its fine - I will be fine " I can live if living is without you...I can live.......I can live - well yes somewhat...." lol, how I make myself laugh. Writing this blog is managing to get rid of my headache. Or could that be the decaf tea I am drinking with agave nectar and rice milk...? The cheek of tea and coffee companies also - decaf isn't actually decaf - its just got as little caffeine as possible in. Liars! Still its a means to an ends, if I can cut down gradually and stick to 1 - 2 "decaf" teas a day and not have a headache all the time I will be thankful.

I have thought of a new way to loss weight and exercises and blah blah blah, but I have to get to work now. Seeing as I have deactivated my account on damned face book I think I'll give lots more of my time to this lost cause...ttfn.