Sunday, 3 May 2009

Once upon a time

Around a month ago to be exact, was when I last wrote this blog! Never mind eh, I did have such good intentions to write around 3 times a week, hey-ho. I have been enjoying life. I have been promoted at work and received a pay rise. I have not lost as much weight as I had hoped, although to be honest I haven't been trying as hard as I am going to try, and plus I am really starting to like myself the way I am.

My boss also granted me to leave work early twice a week so I can attend the Uni course at Birkbeck. Things really seem to be going my way at the moment, but still I feel unsatisfied!

It's probably mostly down to being ill, how scared was I? I thought I had swine flu, but I didn't. The doctor gave me antibiotics for a throat infection, I feel very tired and have mucus coming out of my nose and lungs. Joy. It could be worse, it could be just a normal weekend and I could have work looming tomorrow, so lucky for me I don't.

Currently I am the only person in the office (kinda) so I have to go in, even if I am dieing - which I had to do last week when I was feeling very rough. Lots of lovely vitamin C and pain killers keep me sustained, then lots of sleep when I got home.

A lot of time has passed from my last entry, and as you can read lots of things have been going on. Work has been busy and lonely. Life has been busy, fun and mostly happy, which seems weird, as I am questioning myself to whether things are boring or just the way they are supposed to be - without drama and too much worry. When I do get some spare time it is usually calm and gives me time to reflect, which is a great tool for re-evaluating situations and changing them for the better.

One of my issues is that I need to learn and trust in myself. If I did this, maybe I wouldn't think that I am so undesirable - I don't mean to members of the opposite sex. This will likely be a lot of hard work and some counselling, and I really think it will be worth it.

I read an interesting quote the other day which I am trying to find. It's in a book in my godfathers house, I will find it again. Anyway it was something along the lines of you can feel hurt from other people, but really it's you that makes that hurt a reality - a very true quote to my life at the moment. The way I feel is starting to change and it's taking me a while to get used to!

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