Friday, 9 March 2012

Kore Lomen (because that is my most read article!)

If people refuse to look at you in a new light and they can only see you for what you were, only see you for the mistakes you've made, if they don't realize that you are not your mistakes, then they have to go.

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Wow, I haven't been on here for nearly 2 months.  I suppose it is as I am rather busy with school work and life in general rolling on.

On Monday 5 March 2012 it was a year ago when I arrived in Panama City, for my first traveling experience. So much can happen over a year! I feel like I have learned and changed so much in a year.  Not just in myself but in the day to day actions I do too.

One of the major changes since I have been back from traveling is relaxing more - in the sense that I don't feel like I have to do as many things in a day to feel like and to give the impression to others that I am "working hard" - I am still learning to pace myself, but I have learned to say no, which is hard but very helpful.

I have stopped shopping so much - on eBay, in shops in general and I have also employed a way to stop myself from buying stuff.  Usually when I want to buy something it is because I am feeling depressed or angry or something about something and I start browsing online to distract myself or so I can feed myself lies like "if I have that dress, I will be happy!".  Now I try to wait out 2 or 3 days before I make the purchase so that I can reassess if I actually NEED anything or if I was trying to make a quick purchase in order to boost my ego and esteem.  Also, I never used to try on clothes in shops - usually because I was always under the illusion that size 10 clothes would fit me, because they 'looked' like they could - HAHA, we all know that's not true. It was just an easier way for me to think, wow I just brought a size 10 dress, and I'm going to fit into it.  I am not a size 10!  Actually from trying on clothes I have learned that my size varies massively from shop to shop, although at the moment I am a bit fatter than I (would like to) think.  This was confirmed by a skirt two days ago refusing to fit around my thighs which last year had been a bit big.   Now it is me that is a bit big!

Some days I am extremely unhappy and beat myself up about being a bit fatter and some days I really couldn't give a flying monkeys arse (I'm sure you catch my drift).  But of course I have meant to have been on a diet since January.  I am starting this diet today, a strict intake of a small amount of any food I feel like (which as it happens isn't usually junk - I usually just feel like eating MASSIVE portions, which goes to show that I have emotional issues that I support with food) and trying to do 1 hour of exercise in a day.  As I have gallstones, I already have to try to stick to a daily low fat diet.  Anyway I am sure this comes under self acceptance.  Here is a lovely article on the Tiny Buddha website.  I am now more self accepting, and not just in my appearance, but with how much money I earn, what status I think I may or may not have in the world....and I am sure there are more.

Also we have been buying mainly farmers market and independent local natural food shop food for nearly 8 months now (I think...), which is amazing.  Not only do we get to meet and chat to the same friendly people every week, but we get to taste before we buy, ask about all the ingredients and sustainably buy food that is not shipped from somewhere far away or grown with pesticides.  

It is so much less stressful than going to a supermarket. We have also been carrying on with our 90% vegetarian lark (which is good for the environment and us), although I have to say that the past 2 weeks have been more meat than not meat.  Tonight we are going to have organic steak and salad for dinner - my mouth is watering already.

Anyway, I am sure this is enough for now.   I want to get back to learning Latin American Spanish, which I have tried to take up half an hour of everyday and then get ready for my interview (for babysitting and nanny roles!).